There is always a stack of books on my nightstand. There’s the “in progress” book right next to me, of course, but I mean the pile of books I’ve got on my “to read” list, next to that. The thing about that stack is that its composition changes — of course, as I read along. But more’s always getting added to the pile, and the order changes on a whim as well. Poor Al Gore has been languishing at the bottom of the stack for a year now, but I took him to work to be my “stuck at lunch alone” book buddy, so maybe he’ll get some intermittent attention that way.
The lineup right now:
Loving Frank by Nancy Horan
Chocolat by Joanne Harris
Wife in the North by Judith O’Reilly
Luncheon of the Boating Party by Susan Vreeland
Museum by Danny Danzinger
Some of these are from the museum book club, and of course all of the books on that list will make it to the stack eventually. A few others that caught my eye and may make it there:
City Boy: My Life in New York During the 1960s and ’70s by Edmund White
THE SECOND CITY UNSCRIPTED: Revolution and Revelation at the World-Famous Comedy Theater by Mike Thomas
Lastly, this one isn’t even published yet, but it’s by the fabulous Laura Bennett, Project Runway finalist from season 3.
Didn’t I Feed You Yesterday?: A Mother’s Guide to Sanity in Stilettos by Laura Bennett, available 4/13/2010.
Doesn’t that sound wonderful? And I don’t even have kids.
Anyone else got a book they’re looking forward to?
I love the title DIDN’T I FEED YOU YESTERDAY! That’s awesome! I’ll look forward to your insights about that one.
I am currently reading COLUMBINE, which I’ve been looking forward to reading for quite awhile now. I know, I know…it makes me sound kind of sick, doesn’t it? But I am, in actuality, terrified of the Columbine tragedy and have been wanting to understand it better in the hopes that it would assuage my fear by confronting it. The first night, I had nightmares, so I can’t read the book any more before bedtime. Still, it has been fascinating and just as scary as I expected. And it has triggered a lot of spiritual questions for me, too, which I may address on my blog in the future.
I’m also looking forward to finishing off the Sandman series when I get some extra cash to buy the books. Keith recommended a book called EXTREMELY CLOSE AND INCREDIBLY LOUD, which sounds really intriguing to me, and I want to read YOUR favorite of last year, QUEEN OF THE ROAD. I just ordered those two from the library yesterday. So yay–lots of fun reading ahead!
Free Range Kids is another book in that vein.
Sometimes I wonder if I have a better memory, or more willingness to reference that memory, than other parents around me. This past weekend, O was being himself–which at 3.5 means that we basically trust him to be in whatever room in our house (except the kitchen), doing various things, without direct supervision–and you could tell that the friend of ours who was over, who has a kid just slightly younger than O (the kid wasn’t over, even though he was invited; his mom didn’t want to him to come with “just his dad”), was kind of shocked with how much freedom O had even just within our house.
I love it when one parent can’t be trusted to take a kid somewhere.
Rose, I feel much the same way about Columbine — I’m not surprised we both read THE HOUR I FIRST BELIEVED, then.
I’m glad you’re giving QUEEN OF THE ROAD a try — and also can’t wait until we can talk SANDMAN.
I don’t want to ruin any part of the series for you & would have a hard time remembering what happened when so best to wait until you’re done!
Well, I think there was more going on than just that.
Friend and wife were also having a fight. And I get the feeling that wife isn’t exactly the most fond of us, for a whole variety of reasons. There are things that she has been (I think) trying to get friend to stop doing and we are the people who are married w/kid who still do those sorts of things (like, drink beer and watch football, with kid “present”).
Hmmmm. Sounds complicated.
But good luck with that…
You mentioned “Free Range Kids” — I’m not up on parenting books at all, as I don’t have kids of my own. This one is interesting to me solely because of who the author is. Does that one address those kinds of situations, what you’re talking about with this other mother vs. how you do things?
You know, I have mixed feelings about THE HOUR I FIRST BELIEVED. The parts pertaining to Columbine were riveting to me, and I could definitely understand the protagonist’s wife’s downward spiral. But the whole prison section and all that really didn’t interest me at all–and in some ways, I found the developments quite far fetched. I was actually glad when the story was over because it was all around just depressing. My favorite Wally Lamb is still I KNOW THIS MUCH IS TRUE.
Yes, you’ll have to wait a bit on SANDMAN, I’m afraid. I forgot to ask for a new book for Christmas, LOL!
You remember about two years back the mom who was lambasted in the media for letting her 9-year-old take the Subway home alone in New York? She’s the one that wrote free range kids.
Her philosophy basically is that despite the way the media hypes up danger, our world is as safe or (statistics show) safer in regards to kids than even when we were growing up, but our perception of how much danger is there out there toward kids has increased dramatically. As a result, kids are being given freedoms at later and later ages than even the near past, and that it’s starting to affect our society’s ability to turn out self-sufficient adults.
So, it’s related to the book you referenced with the “sit back and let your kids figure out life” view of things. That’s a really controversial view right now in parenting circles. Sometimes I read some of the parenting groups I’m on and wonder if some of the people are actually real (the ones who wouldn’t leave an 8-10 year old home alone to run to the store for 30 minutes, for example; the ones who call parents neglectful for even considering permitting a kid under the age of 12 to walk home from school), but the more I talk to other parents in RL, the more I realize they’re at least 50% of the parents out there.
I don’t meet that many parents by comparison, of course — but it’s 100% of the parents I do meet, and I’m sometimes puzzled. Being childless, though, I’m not entitled to an opinion, apparently. Fwiw, when I see how little my small young relatives are permitted to do for themselves, and I think back to my own childhood, I worry about them, to be honest. I hope their parents are always around to take care of them, because they won’t know how to do it themselves.
The Catholic school I went to when I was a kid was all-walking, K through 6th grade. No bus. If you couldn’t walk there, you couldn’t go there. I think moms used to walk with the littlest kids, but by 3rd or 4th grade, you were walking on your own. Somehow we all survived. I dunno what the answer is, though.
Rose, I had, unsurprisingly, the same reaction to THE HOUR. I got a little lost in the whole post-Columbine section. I also — well, this isn’t very compassionate of me, but I found the wife’s downward spiral realistic, but not very sympathetic sometimes. She lived, and she never seemed to value that. Anyhow, it was a mixed bag of a book for me too. And absolutely — I KNOW THIS MUCH IS TRUE is a wonderful, wonderful book. I have a quote from it posted next to my desk and have for ten years:
“I am not a smart man, particularly, but one day, at long last, I stumbled from the dark woods of my own, and my family’s, and my country’s past, holding in my hands these truths: that love grows from the rich loam of forgiveness; that mongrels make good dogs; that the evidence of God exists in the roundness of things. This much, at least, I’ve figured out. I know this much is true.”
Thanks for the book recs! I have read pathetically little in the last few years (somehow parenting and attempting to sleep took up all of that time I used to have) but I got a Sony reader for Christmas and have already read two books since then. I think I’m sold, to be honest. While I love real paper books (and I still plan on collecting them) I think it’s so much easier to have something that’s always right there at your fingertips and that you can borrow books from the library from (what a fantastic idea!) without even leaving home. Love it!
I was reading your conversation above with Deirde regarding “free range kids”. I would tend to agree with the author of the book – children are far too protected these days and while yes, you shouldn’t just let your kids raise themselves with no parenting, giving a little responsibility (within the bounds of safety) is a good thing. My eldest son is 11 and he’s been taking public transit to and from school alone for a year now. He goes with his 6 year old brother (alone) several times a week. There are a few people who are absolutely flabbergasted by that and think we’re horrible parents, but the majority of people we know think it’s a great idea because so many kids are ferried everywhere and supervised for every single thing that it’s no surprise when they rebel and act out in order to get out of their parents’ clutches. Supervision in places like stores is something I insist on and my kids WILL behave properly when out in public, but going to and from school and the library (which is 2 blocks away) alone is something they can do and be safe doing, even though I live in the centre of the city – supposedly a dangerous area.
However, parents definitely shouldn’t sit back and let kids raise themselves – if they do, they end up like my nephews and niece, totally unaware of proper manners, social graces and behaviours. They are the most obnoxious kids to be around because their parents leave them to their own devices all of the time and never correct improper behaviour. Strangely enough though (and it does make some sense), my hubby read something in scientific american lately that suggested that when kids have accidents (ie spilling the milk, breaking toys by taking them apart) we should encourage that as “scientific experimenting” rather than punishing them for wrecking things. I think it’s a good idea, within limits of course, as I have noticed that we were much more strict about those things with our eldest than the middle one, and he’s far less of an experimenter and always waits to be told what he should think, rather than the middle one who loves to figure things out for himself and is ok with the consequences, even if it means he’s ruined one of his toys.
Parenting, always an adventure, and something you have to do without a handbook!
It’s great to hear that some people are at least *thinking* about the things you’re describing, regarding kids. I think you have what sounds like a VERY sensible approach. I can only imagine that as a parent it’s very easy to let fear for your children overrule everything else, but I can’t help but think it’s right to teach them responsibility, too. They’ll need that later!
Tangentially — I’m assuming everyone’s seen “Finding Nemo”? That story was written by a father who noticed himself, one day, just smothering his child, never letting her do anything by herself, always clutching her close. Like Marlin said, he never wanted anything to happen to her, but as Dory pointed out, “Well, you can’t never let anything happen to him. Then nothing would ever happen to him. Not much fun for little Harpo.”
How exciting that you got a Sony reader! I know so few people that have them, and haven’t been able to get my hands on one… a friend let me test-drive his Kindle, but that’s the closest I have to first-hand e-reader experience yet. I don’t suppose you’d consider writing a guest review? ::hint, hint:: No pressure.
The book I mentioned in the post, DIDN’T I FEED YOU YESTERDAY?, appeals to me because I think Laura’s philosophy (she has 6 kids) is a good one. She talks about how on an airplane, they tell you in the event of an emergency you should put your own oxygen mask on first, then your child’s, because otherwise you won’t be able to help your child. Laura thought, that’s good advice in general. If I don’t take care of myself, how can I take care of my kids?
It never surprises me, Twinsy, when we agree on something, like THE HOUR I FIRST BELIEVED and I KNOW THIS MUCH IS TRUE!
And that is a wonderful quote!
I rather enjoyed Finding Nemo. It was definitely a good lesson movie about learning how to let your children go and experience life for themselves. There is a delicate balance between being careful and being smothering, and I think we as a north american society tend towards smothering more now, particularly since we live far away from all of the things we do and drive our children everywhere so they never learn how to get there themselves. Then we fear to let them go on their own and they just never learn how to do it and deal with whatever issues may come up. Living in suburban hell (our term for it) doesn’t help either. I’m glad we live in the centre of the city now because we DO see so much more and we spend a lot more time walking and busing places so the kids have to learn how to deal with strangers and asking people like bus drivers for help.
I might consider writing a guest review of the Sony reader … but I’ll need a little more time to explore it first. I’ve read a few things on it and know a little about it but I’ll ask the hubby more about its capabilities and I’ll see what I can make it do. Are you in a hurry for that?
I think perhaps I should read that book. It sounds like something I would enjoy, and something more parents should read. I know I often forget about “me” in the busy-ness of dealing with my children’s lives and then I feel tired and burned out and like no one cares. It’s important to take that “me” time, whether you have children or not. Batteries need recharging for all of us!
Tracy, I would certainly not be in a rush in the least. Even if it’s months from now, I’d love to know & share your opinion.
I agree with what your saying about our society, really. It’s to the point where I sort of feel bad, when I think about the freedom I had as a child and the ability to teach myself things, and learn, and I wonder where that went.
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Hi Toni. Thank you so much for mentioning my book. I should have some advanced copies in a few weeks and I would love to send you one. Please let me know where I should send it.
Laura
badmommy6@gmail.com
Laura, you are welcome! Sending an email your way.